Local man buys a motorcycle to use it as “means of transportation”- friends&family outraged

Jacksonville, FL- Trying to avoid the summer spike in gas prices, along with some other reasons such as cheaper insurance, Mike Bukley, 31, bought a simple, 250 cc motorcycle to get around. Realizing the dangers of riding a motorcycle, he also bought a protective jacket, gloves and a helmet to keep him safe.

He expected to have some troubles on the road since he just got his riding licence, but what he did not expect was the response from his friends and family to his new bike.

“I told my buddies I got a new bike. One said that 250cc is for old ladies and the other said I shouldn’t be buying rice rockets,” Mike told us, obviously annoyed by their reaction. “My brother Dave was the worst […] He wanted to make my bike louder, and add a car radio so everyone would hear and see me riding.” His co-workers also thought he looked stupid wearing a helmet and should not be wearing one (if he wanted to get the attention from the ladies attention anyhow).

“I don’t really care, though,” Mike assured us, “if they can’t get it that a motorcycle to me is just a means of transportation getting me from place A to place B then so be it. I don’t have to overcompensate for my lack of bad-boy image and excitement in my life by buying a bike.”

Inspired by The Onion

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Depressed or sad handsome young man shirtless in jeans, sitting on floor with head in his hands

Successful young man is depressed because he is not average

Chicago, IL- He is young, determined, ridiculously good-looking and also one of the top entrepreneurs in the US. The 24 year-old Tim Mosley has always been driven by ambition to do something more in his life. “Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be successful,” Mosley shared with us as we met him in his high-rise office in Chicago downtown. “I was always learning, building things, asking questions while other kids enjoyed the playground.”

He was always the teacher’s pet and he skipped first year of college after having taken AP courses in high school. He was working two jobs while in college to save enough money to start his own business. Soon, he opened his start-up “Booxies” which is now a million dollar business.

Most people envy Tim Mosley the lifestyle he has, but Mosley has had his ups and downs. “I get depressed a lot,” he says as he looks around his enormous office with sad-puppy eyes. “People think I have it all but all my friends from elementary school are making minimum wage or a tad more and are broke all the time and I kind of envy them that. They get together and whine about it, while I just don’t fit in anymore. I often wish I would have money problems and no ambition because then at least I would have friends I could hang out with. It’s like being ambitious is a curse […] you stand out and no one can relate to you anymore.”

Inspired by The Onion

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Debunking the 5 weight loss NO-NOs

When it comes to weight loss, everyone has an opinion. Some people follow strict regimes and workout two hours a day and they try to impose this crazy lifestyle upon other people. Doctors always go on about “eating better, avoiding sugar/salt, healthy portions” etc.

But we all know what’s best for us and what works best for our body. A crash diet or not eating for a few days, those are all effective methods. Below are tips to follow for a greater weight loss despite the negative connotation.

  1. Wear a shirt that says “Run fast/Beast mode/Workout Maniac”– Because if you wear a shirt with such a powerful meaning, you will shed pounds without actually having to run fast.
  2. Buy extremely expensive shakes and diet pills which you will have to buy monthly– Nothing says “I am trying to lose weight” than buying shakes and pills to lose it and going broke while at it. Make sure they are so expensive you will not be able to afford that cruise to Mexico for the next two years. That’s how you know it’s the good stuff!
  3. Eat junk-foodForget junk food haters! While on a diet, eating junk-food is a must. After all, does a hamburger not contain meat which equals protein? Does pizza not have a bunch of healthy ingredients such as tomatoes, cheese, onions aka veggies?
  4. Trust promising advertising– Trust anything that says “slim fast, crazy weight loss, no workout necessary, lose weight in two days” type of advertising because they work. They really do work- how lucky are you to be able to get your hands on this product without making any actual changes to your diet!
  5. Join a marketing scheme- which will require you selling their amazing products to your fat friends and family… this is by far the best way to show you mean business- quite literally, for that matter!

Inspired by The Onion

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Every kid is the next Picasso

At the age of 30 something (that’s all you need to know), I have retaken drawing classes determined to learn how to “draw.” And I don’t mean the cookie-cutter classes where you drink wine and paint the same exact thing as the other ten people in the room and your biggest drawing accomplishment is a jejune painting of a dolphin swimming into the sunrise. NO! Real, step-by-step drawing: learning composition, style, foreshortening etc.

Everyone has a story on when they gave up drawing. For most, it’s when you see that one talented kid in class (in my case, Tanya from Russia) who draws anime and nature stills like it is nothing. She was “talented” is what my teacher used to say. Tanya this, Tanya that. Perfect Tanya drawing an elephant 3D. Everyone look at what Tanya drew! TANYA, TANYA!

Needless to say, I am still bitter because of Tanya because she killed drawing for me even though I loved it. I enjoyed it. It was my favorite thing to do. I drew flowers and butterflies and I got lost in the world of colors. But then, the comparison started. Other kids maybe drew a more refined flower. A better looking cow. A more gentle looking ballerina. And then… I started to doubt myself. My sketches did not compare and could not compare to sketched of others, people like Tanya. I stopped drawing and proclaimed myself as talent-less for drawing. I turned it into a joke throughout the years- “I really shouldn’t be drawing, if I draw a cow it looks more like an elephant” stupid type of jokes, belittling my own ability to draw.

Throughout the years I’ve learned how to use computer software to get a desired picture/image etc. But I was never able to draw out my stories. I had the text on the paper, and images in my head. I finally said to myself: enough is enough!

Drawing is all about practice, it’s not about talent. It’s about being tenacious and relentless. Your kid can be the next Picasso. Just don’t let them give up. Because, my dear readers, art is highly subjective (I mean, have you seen any of the weird “modern art?”) Art is being able to express oneself, the form and style we choose is solely our own.

Your child should never give up drawing, because all he/she has to do is to learn proper techniques. In the words of Mark Kistler- like we learn how to write, we can learn how to draw. And that’s absolutely true! Drawing teaches children not only to be creative and imaginative, but that they have to practice to get better and be persistent and passionate about something. And lastly, it can boost their confidence- they are able to create something. How great is that?? So don’t you ever, ever, ever let your child give up drawing! And maybe, you should take a few classes yourself!

Leave comment below, I would like to read about your drawing stories!

If you want to follow my drawing progress, you can follow me on Instagram :) My goal is to be able to illustrate my next children’s book!

P.S: My other books are available on Amazon– find the Rainbow Starfish with Sammie Snorkles or go on a stud abroad to France :) :)



Best advice for people scared of dogs: DON’T make a SCENE!

I have to speak up about this topic because as a former dog owner, and watching my sister having to deal with people who are scared of her little hyperactive mutt, I get beyond irritated with the way people behave around a dog when scared of it.

Here’s the thing. We get it. You are scared. Maybe you got bit by one in the past. So what? A dog bit my hand when I was ten years old- it was my fault- the dog was pretty much blind, I wanted to pet him, I surprised him, and poor thing got scared because he did not know I was coming and defended himself. I ended up with a bleeding hand, and poor thing was scared more than me. It didn’t stop me or my family of having another dog.

So here are key steps what to do/not do when you are scared of a dog:

1- You are NOT at the center of that dog’s attention:

People who are scared of dogs always somehow assume that the only thing the dog pays attention to is to them. Not true! The dog is busy exploring the surroundings, smells, other dogs, other people. You don’t stand out, to a dog you are just another person passing by!

2- Do not suddenly stop and stare at and/or talk to or yell at the owners (or dog)

So far everyone who is scared of a dog ALWAYS stops moving. If you had JUST WALKED BY the dog would have NEVER noticed you. By suddenly stopping you are making YOURSELF the center and you are making YOURSELF stand out. The dog probably would not care at all, HAD YOU NOT MAKE YOURSELF SOMETHING TO PAY ATTENTION TO.

You suddenly stop moving, that gets the dog attention- it is not normal behavior to a dog. Most people pass by, right? Asking the owner to “take care of the dog/put it on a leash/ grab it closer” is a reasonable request in human’s mind- to a dog, an UNKNOWN person in a hostile voice is talking to their owner: of course they will growl at you, they are sensing negative vibe and they will always protect their owner.

3- Don’t make the dog suspicious by making a scene

For some reason, people scared of dogs have a need to explain for ten minutes how they are scared of dog and how to “Get that thing away from you.” There is NO NEED to explain for such a long time that you are scared. Everyone gets it. The dog smells your fear, the owner can hear what you are saying. Walk on by and this scene making can be over. No need for the story and background details on your fear of dogs. KEEP WALKING!

4- Most dogs (despite of what you think) won’t bite you

Most of the dogs you are scared of are nice dogs. Even if it is a Pit Bull, doesn’t mean it is a killing biting machine.

I mean, it is so simple. If you are scared of the dog, just keep walking by and the dog won’t even care. Don’t stop and make a scene about how you are scared of dogs!!

Think about it- let’s say you are scared of snakes (I am definitely scared of them). So, let’s say I was walking down the street (maybe at some exotic location so it is more plausible), and there was a guy with a few snakes around his neck and maybe one or two following him around. Would I intentionally stop and started yelling at him to move his snakes away? NO!!! I would pass him and the snakes by to get the hell away from them all.

What do you think? What have your experiences been so far? Leave a comment below! Thanks for visiting my blog, and don’t forget to check out my books on Amazon!

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Referral spam makes bloggers think they have actual readers

I check the numbers of my blog on my lunch break. Instead of getting a nice ice-cream desert, I look at my posts and how (un)successful my writing has been. For the longest time, I didn’t truly understand SEO and all that other fancy data. Surely, people checking my blog were actual people, right?

Then I did some reading and even got into the fancy Google Analytics. I mean, my blog visits are in fairly small numbers so data analyzing on grand scale really is not too realistic. But with Google Analytics, I learned the hard truth. “All” those “visitors” from my blog were actually just spam websites. Referral websites which “advertise the website they want people to visit and it will improve the spammers search engine ranking by creating backlinks to their website off your website’s access log.” They are mooching off my website log while making me believe they actually read my thoughts, feelings, or satire? How messed up is that?!

Granted, WordPress does provide some sort of filtering, but I know my data is skewed. And my Goodness, Google Analytics is a hot mess! It leaves me wondering if I have any actual visitors, genuine visitors at all? The only true feedback I trust these days is when you, dear reader, like my post. That’s it. Because for the longest time I believed that these spam numbers were actual readers, that I was sharing my content with the world. So before you go and check your blog data in Google Analytics… just don’t. Take the blue pill. Believe whatever you want to believe because this statistic trickery and back-linking is depressing.

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Customer to the hairstylist: “Honestly, I hate the new haircut”

Tulsa, OK- More than half of Americans get their hair cut at least four times a year, with women spending nearly $120 per visit, while men spend, on average, roughly $40. However, despite the high costs, 90% of the customers do not give an honest feedback about their satisfaction- 56% of those customers do not want to hurt the hairstylists feelings, while 33% are too shy to stand up for themselves. That, however, was not the case with Linda, 32, a mother of three, who got her hair cut last Thursday.

“I didn’t want a drastic change, really,” started out Linda, who decided to get her hair cut at the small, family-run salon. “I just wanted my ends trimmed a bit and maybe some highlights, like that was it. I told my hairstylist what I wanted, I even showed her a picture… I thought she knew what I wanted.”

According to Linda, after an hour of friendly talking, scalp massage and Ryan Gossling gossip, cutting and windy hair blowing, Fay, Linda’s hairstylist was finally done with her work. When Linda saw herself in the mirror, she immediately hated what she saw. “Is this ok?” Fay asked Linda, as she was holding a mirror behind Linda’s back to get a better visual. Linda, who says she was “always told to tell her truth” was now facing a moral dilemma. To lie, or not to lie? But her sense of honesty and constructive feedback came over. “I told her: Honestly, Fay, I hate the new haircut.” Fay looked puzzled and her eye started twitching, recounts Linda. “You cut off way too much hair, not just the ends, and the color tone doesn’t look like the one I showed you on the picture.”

Once the truth was out, Fay tried to fix Linda’s dissatisfaction. “I’ve never had a customer complain,” said Fay, “so that was truly a unique experience. Of course, I didn’t see anything wrong with it, but a customer was unhappy so I pretended like I see the problem. Ultimately, we “fixed” it and I am guessing she is never coming back to my salon.”



Merkel resigns: “I don’t get paid enough to deal with this sh*t”

Berlin, Germany- People across Europe have woken up to some shocking news on the morning of August 22, 2015. Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany and the unofficial leader of the European Union, decided to resign from her position.

Looking tired and weary-eyed, dressed in her usual frumpy power suit, she held an emergency press conference in the Press and Information Office of the Federal Government in Berlin. “I stand here before you to tell you that today I officially resign as a Chancellor of Germany. Recent years have brought on so much baloney, I think I just don’t want to deal with it anymore […] and honestly, I just don’t get paid enough to deal with this s*it.”

When asked what are some main reasons for her sudden resignation, she laughed loudly and stated: “Where should I even begin?”

In her three hours long explanation speech, she stated that “it all started with Americans spreading the financial crisis upon everyone, and while Germans are good with savings and planning, other nations aren’t and they just pissed away the money and then came to me to bail them out […] So everyone is unemployed, and now we have millions of so-called “refugees” who are fleeing to Europe and expect me to take care of them. We don’t have enough money for everyone, don’t you get this? WE DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY!”

She also expressed that her party, Christian Democratic Union of Germany, is putting her under severe pressure. “My party is ready to get rid of me because they think I am babying everyone; and they are absolutely against all the Muslim refugees. In addition, my reputations among German people has been tarnished; I have German citizens demanding not to spend our hard earned money anymore and asking me where on Earth are we going to place all those refugees?”

Terrorist acts across Europe also horrify Mrs. Merkel. “The spread of terrorism across Europe has just been awful. I keep asking Hollande (President of France), to be more active and take more severe precautions but he just laughs and says we got it under control. I would’ve taken more aggressive measures, but you know, with German history and all, my hands are kind of tied.”

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Inspired by The Onion


Freshman brings an entire house with him to the dorm

Columbia, SC- Mothers this week everywhere are walking around puffy-eyed and equipped with tissues, as their babies are finally moving out for college. They have swamped the college towns to help their offspring make the big move; many secretly doubt their kids can make it in the cold embrace of a college dorm. Fresh(wo)men, likewise, aren’t sure if they can make it without a pre-stocked fridge either.

Justin, 19, was once one of those kids- seriously doubting his survival skills. “I told my Mom and Dad that these college dorms were not up to the standard of living I am used to. I told them the only way I was going to go to college and live in a dorm was if they replicated everything we have at home. I wanted my own giant fridge, two bikes, microwave, Sonos wireless home theater system (to recreate the home cinema feel for the times I watch movies), a new car (for the ladies), nice comfortable recliner (like the one Dad has), giant plasma TV, PS3 and some other items no one should ever live without. It took a few days, but now my dorm finally looks the same as my room back home […] it’s like I never left.”

While a little worried about the cost of all the amenities, Justin’s parents gladly bought everything that Justin needed for the big move. “His college room is now his new home and if we have to replicate our entire house to make him comfortable, so be it,” said Lydia, Justin’s Mom. “I can’t imagine a life without a microwave or TV, and neither should my baby.”

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Selfie stick draws 90% of the viewer’s retina movements

Philadelphia, PA- The self-centered, (new) way of looking awkward while taking cutesy pictures of yourself or your group of friends at the top of the Eiffel Tower is all the rage. Selfie stick is the “hottest 2014/2015 holiday gift,” and people are embracing the long, extendable sticks as a way to never ask a stranger to take a photo of them ever again.

Researches from the Woodrow Institute of Social Sciences and Psychology have followed the phenomenon of selfie obsession and carefully studied if, indeed, the selfie takers get the desired results by using the selfie stick. The researches carefully analyzed the retina movements of two thousand participants who were shown pictures of people taking normal selfies and selfies with a stick. Surprisingly, 90% percent of the retina movements was first drawn to the stick itself, while blurring out the people who were holding it.

“The study provided us with interesting results,” told us Dr. Michael Berry, Chairman of the Woodrow Institute of Social Sciences and Psychology. “The individuals who are using selfie sticks as a way to optimize their self-portrayal are actually not getting the desired results; the study revealed that the sticks are actually a distraction to the eye […] what this means is that the viewer of the image spends more time looking at the actual stick; looking at its length, analyzing what materials it is made of and how the photographer is holding it rather than paying attention to the face/body/landscape that the photographer is trying to capture. In psychology we call this the “irrelevant yet relevant object of distraction” which bamboozles the brain.” When asked which tool would be best to take photos, Dr. Berry reverted back to “good ole fashioned days of asking the stranger to take multiple pictures so the person can choose the best one.”

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Inspired by The Onion