Forgive for selfish reasons

She was never a good Mother. Her constant abuse of alcohol lead to abuse of us…abuse of me. She hurt me in so many ways, and I resented her for years. After five years of not talking to her, David convinced me to give her a chance.

I had lunch with her today. I saw her curly white hair and her tired eyes. The story she was telling me was the same as the one I heard the last time… and the time before that…and ten years ago. She is still fighting her demons, and keeps giving me the same promises; same promises of upcoming change and how things will turn around. Today she told me she was proud of me and she can’t wait for me to be proud of her.

I used to believe her, but I don’t anymore… and that doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t. I have accepted her and her bullshit stories.

What I want to tell to anyone who has been in a situation like this….if you decide to forgive them for what they have done, don’t do it for them. Do it for yourself- and don’t expect anything back…it may be selfish but it will help you sleep at night. Some people never change and you shouldn’t be the one suffering because of it.

 

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