8 am. I head over to the coffee machine. I have to start my day with coffee otherwise I am a bigger mess than usual. As I grab the sugar container, I suddenly realize. I promised myself to cut down on sugar. “Put the container back to where it was. You, miss, are done with extra sugar. But coffee doesn’t taste like anything if I don’t put any sugar in it? NO! No sugar.”
I head over to my lovely cubicle. I type away, but my mind can’t stop thinking about sugar. I need it. I’m craving it. My emergency stash is intentionally empty. I look around. Linda always has a jar full of candy. I get up to head to Linda’s desk. Halfway there I change my mind. Am I really going there just to ask her for candy? How pathetic am I? I go back to my cubicle again and wallow in misery.
Meeting time. Oh, how lovely! Our boss brought cupcakes. Everyone has to take one. No, thank you. Questions arise. “But why don’t you want a cupcake? They are fresh! Look how good they look!” Peer-pressured into taking a cupcake I take one and set it next to me. I get odd looks from everyone else who is eating the cupcake. Why aren’t you eating a cupcake? I feel like I am on trial. People are reaching for their second, and look at me, miss Picky, not even touching the first one.
Meeting’s over. I have to take the stupid cupcake with me back to the desk. I can’t stand to look at it so I throw it away. Now I feel bad. I threw away food because I have no self-control and can’t say no. Is it lunch yet?
Lunch time. I give in a little. “I’ll get diet coke, please. No, no dessert.” Yes, your key lime pie looks amazing but I don’t want it, you hear?! I’m getting even crankier. I get a chicken salad and hope the day will be over soon.
I come back to the office. An anonymous left a bunch of homemade cookies in the break room. Chocolate-chip, my favorite! Before I grab any, I leave in a haste. I angrily slam the keyboard, feeling my body getting weak because I haven’t had any sugar.
Finally, work’s over. David surprises me with my favorite cheesecake. “I told you not to buy sweets!” “I bought this for you.” He’s unhappy with my reaction. I feel like he doesn’t support me in my mission to lower sugar intake. We both get mad at each other. I storm out and he ends up eating half of the damn cheesecake.
I go to bed early. My stomach is telling me I have to eat something sweet but I am resisting. I cover myself with the duvet and hope for this nightmare day to be over soon. How am I going to start this again tomorrow?