One rather boring Monday, I woke up. But this time around, I woke up feeling rested- which never, EVER happens; not since my teen years at least.
My regular Mondays consist of convincing myself for 10+ minutes that I do indeed have to go to work accompanied by the feelings of utter exhaustion and misery.
This time around though I woke up and felt good. To get myself through the day I usually take half a caffeine pill (equal to half a cup of coffee) and then for the rest of the day I drink soda (reserve judgement, I know it’s not healthy).
But that boring Monday morning I was glistening. A wild thought popped into my head- what if I go all day without caffeine?
So I did!
I felt powerful. Almost couldn’t believe I lasted through a Monday without any magic caffeinated pill to wake me up.
Then Tuesday came. I woke up miserable. The blissful sleep of the previous night was gone. But I didn’t want to go back to caffeine. I lasted a whole day, could I last another one?
So I did! Around noon, however, a throbbing headache started creeping up on me. I drank a lot of water but that’s not what my body wanted. More headache! I got home cranky and ready to punch somebody. I decided to go to bed early to sleep the pain away.
I don’t know why I decided to keep it up but that’s how I do things in life in general. Once I start I want to stick to it even if it doesn’t make sense. Was my body telling me to get some caffeine in it otherwise it will shut down? Yes. But was I semi proud that I made it two days without being addicted to caffeine and its magical effects it does on my preceptors? Yes!
It’s been a month now since I’ve had caffeine. I tell ya, I’ve heard many stories about how you allegedly feel so much better when you stop drinking sodas and coffee. One of my past co-workers insisted she was short of being reborn and rejuvenated and it actually showed in her radiant look. Me personally, I still feel lousy every day. I look sickly and have about as much energy as my 12- year old cat. The only difference is I fall asleep faster because I am beat by the end of the day.
- How about you guys? Did you have better results since kicking caffeine to the curb?
Blah, 2016 did not start well for me. I mean, all the problems I’ve had so far have been first world problems, but since I live in a”first world” I tend to consider them to be actual problems.
I’ve been stuck deliberating at what point will I give up on my dreams. When will I just say, you know what, I’m done. I am done trying. My dreams of becoming a published author (Idk, self-published on Amazon just doesn’t have that ring to it), dreams of becoming a good illustrator (not great, just good- even solid is ok with me), dreams of having all the stories I keep having in my head read by hundreds of people.
They are ambitious dreams to have, I realize that. Not many are fortunate enough to ever get loyal readers and most of their books, their stories end up in a folder called “my book” on their computer where it sits as a sore reminder of unfulfilled dreams.
However, I realized this the other day as I was jotting down the first few lines in my new diary (it’s really pretty, a little old school but I don’t mind it)- I realized that succumbing to reality is why you should never let go of your dreams. Perhaps you should modify them, change them, alter them, make a few alterations here and there but no one should ever give up on their dreams. Because if you give up on your dreams, you let reality win- and reality can be so dull, so cruel and so factual. And I refuse to ever be dull or cruel or factual. Ever.
My entire life I was taught if you work hard, you will get far. And guess what? I did. I worked hard, got good grades in school. Went to college, didn’t drink much or cause trouble. I worked during my college years and did internships…. the whole nine yards.
And then it was time to apply for a job. I got a good offer resulting from my internship. I came home, celebrated. The fruits of my hard work paid off!
But then luck came to take a dump on my celebrations.
A colleague X, who had a history degree and a measly work experience, got a job through connections- not only did the X get a job without any effort, X got a better pay to… and X flaunted the pay right in my face.
I was wide awake for hours.. I kept thinking, why and how is it fair that X does better than me? What happened to the work hard and you will get far?
Well, years later, X kept getting higher raises. Abnormal raises. I don’t know how. And no, there is no… “and then X did something and X got fired.” No, X is still climbing the corporate ladder. Successfully. Making ever more money. Hiring friends.
And I just don’t get it. But I hope, one day, I will understand.. that sometimes in life…. you got to have luck. I can work hard all I want but if I am at the wrong place at a wrong time… there’s nothing I can do.
David accused me of being that person. You know, the “grass is always greener on the other side” type of person. I guess I was supposed to be offended by it, but I never truly understood why was that such a bad thing.
Here’s what happens when you want your grass to be greener:
1. It means that you want more
2. It means that you are willing to push yourself to get it (in my case at least)
3. It means that you want change
4. It means you acknowledge status quo and want to do something about it (since if status quo was satisfactory, such observations wouldn’t be necessary)
Now, before you say I am going off on a tangent and that the grass is greener usually implies that the other circumstances really are not any better…. I will tell you what I told David.
I told him the whole “grass is greener” is true. There’s a reason why we think something is better elsewhere… because somebody else is doing something better than we are….and their results are staring us in the face.
Most of the time in my life where I did something to change my situation because I wanted more, it worked out better for me. I improved what I wasn’t doing that good and perfected it…. and guess what, my grass got greener than too.
What do you think? Comment, share, like, dislike…let’s talk!
P.S: Thanks for reading my blog! I am happy every time I see you guys take the time to read it!
P.S: It’s Saturday! Get a copy of my book on Amazon and enjoy a nice weekend.