West Palm Beach, FL- Employees of Sweet Tomatoes, “a buffet chain serving health-conscious American eats with from-scratch soups, salads, pastas & more,” are used to customers who walk out with their pants undone, moaning of how much food they had. It is a common sight at the “all you can eat” restaurant- but last Thursday, a normal guy walked in and had no problems walking out.
“I noticed his suspicious behavior by the salad bar already,” an employee at Sweet Tomatoes told us. “He didn’t pile on as much salad, croutons, beans etc. as he could but actually put a normal amount of food on the plate. Then, he continued his way to the soup&pasta area and took a bowl of soup, a baked potato with only a little bit of sour creme and that was it. I was shocked,” said the aforementioned employee. “He didn’t even get desert! The guy took an orange to go and he walked out like nothing happened.”
All the employees that day were utterly shocked and stayed in shock for the rest of the day. “We don’t see it happen a lot, you know. It seemed surreal.”
When it comes to weight loss, everyone has an opinion. Some people follow strict regimes and workout two hours a day and they try to impose this crazy lifestyle upon other people. Doctors always go on about “eating better, avoiding sugar/salt, healthy portions” etc.
But we all know what’s best for us and what works best for our body. A crash diet or not eating for a few days, those are all effective methods. Below are tips to follow for a greater weight loss despite the negative connotation.
- Wear a shirt that says “Run fast/Beast mode/Workout Maniac”– Because if you wear a shirt with such a powerful meaning, you will shed pounds without actually having to run fast.
- Buy extremely expensive shakes and diet pills which you will have to buy monthly– Nothing says “I am trying to lose weight” than buying shakes and pills to lose it and going broke while at it. Make sure they are so expensive you will not be able to afford that cruise to Mexico for the next two years. That’s how you know it’s the good stuff!
- Eat junk-food– Forget junk food haters! While on a diet, eating junk-food is a must. After all, does a hamburger not contain meat which equals protein? Does pizza not have a bunch of healthy ingredients such as tomatoes, cheese, onions aka veggies?
- Trust promising advertising– Trust anything that says “slim fast, crazy weight loss, no workout necessary, lose weight in two days” type of advertising because they work. They really do work- how lucky are you to be able to get your hands on this product without making any actual changes to your diet!
- Join a marketing scheme- which will require you selling their amazing products to your fat friends and family… this is by far the best way to show you mean business- quite literally, for that matter!
Inspired by The Onion
Too often I find myself chained to numbers in my life. I rely on them and let them determine who I am. They tell me whether I am loser or a winner, a good person or a bad person, or if I am a failure in life.
How much money do I make? Why am I not making more? How many pounds do I weigh? How expensive was the holiday I went on? Was it expensive enough to impress other people? Does this dress look like an expensive dress? How many hours did I sleep? Why don’t I have a two car garage? How old am I? (and the inevitable- when did I get this old?)
It’s a scary thing, relying on numbers. They put me in a bad mood because there is always a goal that has to be reached. Sales numbers, performance reviews, even damn dieting is not successful unless the scale budges and shows less!
What would happen in my life if I started to ignore numbers? What if I became happy with what I am making? What if I realized I don’t need a two door garage and that the world won’t end because I do not drink 8 glasses a day like I was supposed to according to every health magazine? What if I was happy with the fact I only sold one book so far on Amazon– someone bought my book, isn’t that something?
What if I, instead, focused on helping others, or making someone’s day by actually having a conversation with them? Or baby-sitting someone’s kids so they can finally go on a romantic date after sleepless nights and dirty diapers? What if I invited that chatty old neighbor for dinner after five years of knowing her?
The world becomes so much easier when the burden of number disappears- suddenly, the focus is on others, and not on you.
Finally! Skinny people have to take care of their bodies too! We are going back to the Spartan times. The times of fit people sweating together and sculpting their bodies. I mean, we should politely disregard the military-style education program with hazing and fighting.. here, we are talking about the work on their bodies, their ultimate obsession to achieve the bulkiest, chizzled and god-like muscles. Men or women, they were all supposed to strive to be physically fit.
Somewhere between Sparta and Twiggy, skinny people strategically positioned themselves to be adored and admired. I don’t know how we let them get away with it, but we did. And as lucky as they were with their genetically given bodies that have metabolisms on steroids, they were laughing at us as they ate chips and didn’t gain a pound.
But now, a new revolution is happening. It is slow, but it is sure. Skinny people can’t just be skinny. Now they look weak. And jiggly. And not toned. It is great! As a person who struggled with being fat my entire life, it is nice that the trend is moving towards a “healthy lifestyle.” Because just because you are skinny, doesn’t mean you are healthy. I have tons of skinny friends who gobble down cakes and hamburgers and almost lose weight.
It’s a new trend of eating food that fuels your body. A trend of working out hard to sculpt your body. No one can get away with being lazy or having good genes. You have to work for it, and you have to discipline yourself. It’s nice. Because ultimately it is about being healthy, and that’s what matters the most.
“Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue features its first-ever plus-size model” I couldn’t help myself but clicking on the darn article. I am not skinny at all. But I am not fat either- mostly hourglass shaped. I have some junk in the trunk but the trunk is not overflowing if you know what I mean. So I click on this article and I get mad. Further I scroll down, more annoyed I get.
Somehow the “beauty” industry either has to go Holocaust skinny or obese with their models and label them as “curvy.” I’m almost insulted the way they use the word curvy. Because when I saw Ashley Graham on that cover she does not look curvy but she looks fat. And she can be whatever size she wants to be, but I wish they wouldn’t call her curvy. Because curves mean something else. Or at least, it used to mean something else.
It is hard to write this as I encourage the industry to move away from the ghostly skinny standards, but encouraging obesity is not something they should do either. Obesity-related conditions include heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes and certain types of cancer.
American women have to stop hiding under the layer of “curviness” when they are actually fat. If you want to be fat, fine, be fat. I like to be fat too sometimes. But the bigger concern is that Americans are misinformed on what being fat these days actually means. More than one-third of American adults are obese. We’ve gotten so used to seeing our obese friends we compare ourselves to them. My Mom is fat, my sister is fat, my Dad is fat…. but I mean, compared to those really fat people I see elsewhere, they are normal sized, right?
As I was reading the daily gossip news on Yahoo (yes, some people still use Yahoo), I came across an article about a pill which could prolong our lives to 120 years. Now, it sounds nice in theory, but do you really want to live to be 120?
Getting old sucks! Why don’t they find a way to prolong our youth (wink, wink) because that is when the good stuff is happening. Your skin is elastic, you don’t have back pain, you don’t have to take naps in the afternoon, you are excited about change, you actually want to do things…. What good will it do me if I am 120 years old suffering from Osteoporosis/Dementia/Parkinson’s and I’m in pain?
Being old is not fun. Visiting my Grandma, who is in her eighties and lives in a home, is a painful experience. I love seeing her, but knowing who she used to be and how she is now and how tiring life is for her… It’s terrible.
I guess what I am trying to say is I won’t take the pill if it ever becomes available. I don’t care if they slow down the process of aging- it is still not worth it to me. I will be happy with the amount of time I was given on this planet and will try to make the best of it. Without chemistry. With nature.
What about you? Would you take the pill?
P.S: Thanks for taking the time to read this blog! Much appreciated! ❤
In pain. So much pain today. I went to the gym and lifted. Now, my muscles are crying and the only question that comes to mind, as I lay on the couch half dead, is: why did I do this to my body?
You see, I think anybody who works out should get a medal…and money. I feel like if I am going through all this pain and suffering somebody should reward me. Why am I paying the gym? They should be paying me! Or somebody else, perhaps the government, should give me money to get my ass off the couch. After all, I could have stayed at home, ate chips and watched re-runs of Downton Abbey. But I didn’t. I went to the gym knowing my biceps will revenge for the workout. I can’t walk. I can’t move. But it would be better if I knew I got 25 dollars I can spend on something, perhaps a massage afterwards.
Do you think you would workout more if they gave you money for each workout?