wedding

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Bride-to-be Faces Harsh Criticism After Announcing She Won’t Be Getting Fit For Her Wedding

Richmond, VA- Her wedding day might still be months away, but Sally Ashworth, 25, is facing harsh criticism from her family and above all, her friends who find her decision of not trying to lose weight for the grand wedding day absolutely horrendous.

“I announced the engagement a week ago,” Sally told us, “and after the initial excitement, the conversation was steered to my look and my wedding dress and how I absolutely must drop twenty pounds and get toned arms and firm belly for the wedding.” The initial revelation was first accepted with “you must be kidding” kind of response, but then it turned into a serious matter.

“I told them I thought the wedding day was about Peter and I stating our love for each other in front of God and our close friends. Since, I’ve gotten nasty text messages about how I should truly reconsider losing some weight because after all I have to look good in the wedding pictures because they last forever.”

Her close friend, Miranda Elmore, 26 was one of those friends who warned Sally of the consequences of her reckless decision-making. “She is not thinking straight,” Miranda told us when we called her to find out more. “I’m covering her back here. It’s embarrassing to have bat wings in your wedding photos. Of course, wedding is about love but everyone also memorizes how the bride looked too. Twenty years from now, she will be looking back at her wedding album and think to herself man, I looked really good and toned¬†and nothing can top that.”

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(Inspired by The Onion)

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Forgettable Wedding Day

After ten years of marriage, Sally still had to think which ring went on her finger first- the engagement ring or the wedding ring? “Wedding ring is closest to the heart,” she remembered her Mother’s words and put it on first. She fixed her hair and went to the kitchen. Her cravings for a peanut butter sandwich were strong for some reason. Her thoughts continued to lead her to the past… to the day she said yes to Michael.

The memory of it was very hazy. She remembered Michael drinking a lot because he was nervous. Her nervously walking down the beach. Not being able to eat a whole lot because she wore a waist cincher. It seemed so far away, a remote event which only marked the beginning of the adventures her and Michael experienced.

For a second, it almost seemed irrelevant. Wedding day almost had no special meaning to her. The other ten years spent together.. that was more important. Thinking back on their wedding day, she realized how little she knew Michael and how little he knew her. How much they have changed since. How many better moments they had together than that one day on the beach. “Funny how no one tells you this,” she thought and bit into the sandwich.

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