West Palm Beach, FL- Employees of Sweet Tomatoes, “a buffet chain serving health-conscious American eats with from-scratch soups, salads, pastas & more,” are used to customers who walk out with their pants undone, moaning of how much food they had. It is a common sight at the “all you can eat” restaurant- but last Thursday, a normal guy walked in and had no problems walking out.
“I noticed his suspicious behavior by the salad bar already,” an employee at Sweet Tomatoes told us. “He didn’t pile on as much salad, croutons, beans etc. as he could but actually put a normal amount of food on the plate. Then, he continued his way to the soup&pasta area and took a bowl of soup, a baked potato with only a little bit of sour creme and that was it. I was shocked,” said the aforementioned employee. “He didn’t even get desert! The guy took an orange to go and he walked out like nothing happened.”
All the employees that day were utterly shocked and stayed in shock for the rest of the day. “We don’t see it happen a lot, you know. It seemed surreal.”
Sarasota, FL- It is bad enough our parents know what Facebook is. It is even worse that they have befriended us and have the rare access to our public internet Facebook life. Their presence means only two things- posting embarrassing comments to our photos and postings and/or them posting embarrassing photos of themselves in a public or private space.
Billy, 25, has been friends with his Dad on Facebook for more than four years now and he has unfollowed his Dad’s post feed a long time ago. “He uses humor that is very typical for his generation, you know. The pictures he takes and the ideas he shares are from Ronald Reagan times and well, he loves the Three Stooges type of humor, you know, the one with physical farce and slapstick and I just find that incredibly dumb. All the old people he knows find it hilarious but I just can’t get myself to like any of it.”
Billy does try sometimes to like his Dad’s photos. “Well, I don’t want to be the son that doesn’t like anything on his Dad’s Facebook. Just the other day I liked his ZOO photos. He went there and took selfies with the giraffes and found it hilarious when monkeys were doing it in front of him and posted a bunch of photos of it. Like, it’s not that funny but I love him anyway. So I “liked” the album but I won’t “like” anything for a while.”
Buffalo, NY- Perpetually hiding a pot belly in baggy clothes sometimes becomes so annoying that some people actually decide to do something about it. Brittany Quinn, 26, decided to get more toned after she got fed up with her jiggly body. “She started with the simple couch to 5K runs and things like that,” Leah, 25 told us about Brittany. They’ve been friends since high school. “I supported her and even did the runs with her. I knew she hated her body for years and doing something about it was definitely good.”
But Brittany Quinn didn’t stop there. She started complaining about not being toned enough. “She really changed her diet to nothing but protein shakes and lean meat and all that other super healthy stuff,” Whitney, Brittany’s best friend, noticed. “And she started to life weights. She ended up going to the gym for two hours each day.” Her Facebook was drowning with quotes like “I just want someone that will lift, cuddle and drink protein shakes with me” and had tons of pictures of her lifting heavy. “Within a few months you could notice a huge change in her body. The fat was disappearing and she was getting really toned. But she started cancelling on our movie nights because she didn’t want to be tempted by pop-corn and chips, and she spent Friday nights at the gym instead of going out and having fun.”
Within a year, she entered a body-building contest and won third place. “Of course we all went to see her to support her,” Whitney continued, “but we are all secretly hoping the old Brittany would come back. Like, she doesn’t have to be as fat as she was but we feel like she went from one extreme to another- from being really fat to really fit. Can’t she just be happy with a normal body and still go to the gym, eat healthy and still spend some time with her friends?”
Brittany was not available to comment because she was too busy lifting or die trying (to life it).
Inspired by The Onion
Much like humans find wisdom and advice in the tales of the Old Wives, animals have the Old Owl’s knowledge which is widely shared when growing up. These tales were shared with me in the past few months in relaxed, yet intimate conversations with some very lovely owls in an undisclosed location.
Illustrations can be followed on my Instagram account leahrennes (and will be posted on WordPress sometimes too) and they are a celebration of a goal I set only in August of this year and I think have achieved quite well so far.
Before August, I would draw a cow and it looked more like an elephant. After doing the 30-day challenge by Mark Kistler “You can draw in 30 days” book, I not only realized drawing is something that can be taught (and don’t necessarily rely solely upon talent) but I also gained great confidence drawing. Suddenly, I can draw images for my stories which is something I though would be never able to do. Sure, I still need to practice but I have come a long way.
“The Old Owls’ Tales” are a result of the learning process and confidence I gained in the last two months. I hope you enjoy the illustrations and don’t be shy to follow.
And as a slight preview of today’s post- bring an umbrella if you see a worried bunny- according to the Owl tales, it means it is most likely to rain.
Wolfsburg, Germany- In the midst of finger-pointing exchanges, it seems that the truth about who is actually behind the emissions scandal at Volkswagen is finally coming to surface. After the chief executive Winterkorn resigned “in the interest of the company” and denied any wrongdoing and not knowing anything about the “diesel dupe,” it seems that he may have been telling the truth.
Markus Schneider, 22, was hired on as an intern at Volkswagen as part of the HR team. His tasks primarily entailed bringing coffee to his boss, making copies and answering phones in a true polite manner.
But Markus wanted more; he wanted to leave his mark at Volkswagen. On his own, he came up with the “Diesel Dupe”, a device that was put in diesel engines and could detect when they were being tested, changing the performance accordingly to improve results.
“The CEO’s didn’t know about it, of course not,” Markus told us in a confidential interview. “I acted on my own. I went to the designers and manufacturers and told them that this new device is mandatory in every vehicle. As an intern, they all knew the power I had and didn’t question my orders. Within weeks, they started installing the diesel dupe. I was very proud of myself.”
The recent scandal, however, upsets Markus very much. “I was hoping to get a promotion, you know. It is a brilliant scamming technique and I fooled everyone at Volkswagen. Now, everyone is resigning and I am out of job. It definitely didn’t turn out how I wanted it to.”
Inspired by The Onion
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