Month: September 2015

Local man buys a motorcycle to use it as “means of transportation”- friends&family outraged

Jacksonville, FL- Trying to avoid the summer spike in gas prices, along with some other reasons such as cheaper insurance, Mike Bukley, 31, bought a simple, 250 cc motorcycle to get around. Realizing the dangers of riding a motorcycle, he also bought a protective jacket, gloves and a helmet to keep him safe.

He expected to have some troubles on the road since he just got his riding licence, but what he did not expect was the response from his friends and family to his new bike.

“I told my buddies I got a new bike. One said that 250cc is for old ladies and the other said I shouldn’t be buying rice rockets,” Mike told us, obviously annoyed by their reaction. “My brother Dave was the worst […] He wanted to make my bike louder, and add a car radio so everyone would hear and see me riding.” His co-workers also thought he looked stupid wearing a helmet and should not be wearing one (if he wanted to get the attention from the ladies attention anyhow).

“I don’t really care, though,” Mike assured us, “if they can’t get it that a motorcycle to me is just a means of transportation getting me from place A to place B then so be it. I don’t have to overcompensate for my lack of bad-boy image and excitement in my life by buying a bike.”

Inspired by The Onion

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Successful young man is depressed because he is not average

Chicago, IL- He is young, determined, ridiculously good-looking and also one of the top entrepreneurs in the US. The 24 year-old Tim Mosley has always been driven by ambition to do something more in his life. “Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be successful,” Mosley shared with us as we met him in his high-rise office in Chicago downtown. “I was always learning, building things, asking questions while other kids enjoyed the playground.”

He was always the teacher’s pet and he skipped first year of college after having taken AP courses in high school. He was working two jobs while in college to save enough money to start his own business. Soon, he opened his start-up “Booxies” which is now a million dollar business.

Most people envy Tim Mosley the lifestyle he has, but Mosley has had his ups and downs. “I get depressed a lot,” he says as he looks around his enormous office with sad-puppy eyes. “People think I have it all but all my friends from elementary school are making minimum wage or a tad more and are broke all the time and I kind of envy them that. They get together and whine about it, while I just don’t fit in anymore. I often wish I would have money problems and no ambition because then at least I would have friends I could hang out with. It’s like being ambitious is a curse […] you stand out and no one can relate to you anymore.”

Inspired by The Onion

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Debunking the 5 weight loss NO-NOs

When it comes to weight loss, everyone has an opinion. Some people follow strict regimes and workout two hours a day and they try to impose this crazy lifestyle upon other people. Doctors always go on about “eating better, avoiding sugar/salt, healthy portions” etc.

But we all know what’s best for us and what works best for our body. A crash diet or not eating for a few days, those are all effective methods. Below are tips to follow for a greater weight loss despite the negative connotation.

  1. Wear a shirt that says “Run fast/Beast mode/Workout Maniac”– Because if you wear a shirt with such a powerful meaning, you will shed pounds without actually having to run fast.
  2. Buy extremely expensive shakes and diet pills which you will have to buy monthly– Nothing says “I am trying to lose weight” than buying shakes and pills to lose it and going broke while at it. Make sure they are so expensive you will not be able to afford that cruise to Mexico for the next two years. That’s how you know it’s the good stuff!
  3. Eat junk-foodForget junk food haters! While on a diet, eating junk-food is a must. After all, does a hamburger not contain meat which equals protein? Does pizza not have a bunch of healthy ingredients such as tomatoes, cheese, onions aka veggies?
  4. Trust promising advertising– Trust anything that says “slim fast, crazy weight loss, no workout necessary, lose weight in two days” type of advertising because they work. They really do work- how lucky are you to be able to get your hands on this product without making any actual changes to your diet!
  5. Join a marketing scheme- which will require you selling their amazing products to your fat friends and family… this is by far the best way to show you mean business- quite literally, for that matter!

Inspired by The Onion

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Every kid is the next Picasso

At the age of 30 something (that’s all you need to know), I have retaken drawing classes determined to learn how to “draw.” And I don’t mean the cookie-cutter classes where you drink wine and paint the same exact thing as the other ten people in the room and your biggest drawing accomplishment is a jejune painting of a dolphin swimming into the sunrise. NO! Real, step-by-step drawing: learning composition, style, foreshortening etc.

Everyone has a story on when they gave up drawing. For most, it’s when you see that one talented kid in class (in my case, Tanya from Russia) who draws anime and nature stills like it is nothing. She was “talented” is what my teacher used to say. Tanya this, Tanya that. Perfect Tanya drawing an elephant 3D. Everyone look at what Tanya drew! TANYA, TANYA!

Needless to say, I am still bitter because of Tanya because she killed drawing for me even though I loved it. I enjoyed it. It was my favorite thing to do. I drew flowers and butterflies and I got lost in the world of colors. But then, the comparison started. Other kids maybe drew a more refined flower. A better looking cow. A more gentle looking ballerina. And then… I started to doubt myself. My sketches did not compare and could not compare to sketched of others, people like Tanya. I stopped drawing and proclaimed myself as talent-less for drawing. I turned it into a joke throughout the years- “I really shouldn’t be drawing, if I draw a cow it looks more like an elephant” stupid type of jokes, belittling my own ability to draw.

Throughout the years I’ve learned how to use computer software to get a desired picture/image etc. But I was never able to draw out my stories. I had the text on the paper, and images in my head. I finally said to myself: enough is enough!

Drawing is all about practice, it’s not about talent. It’s about being tenacious and relentless. Your kid can be the next Picasso. Just don’t let them give up. Because, my dear readers, art is highly subjective (I mean, have you seen any of the weird “modern art?”) Art is being able to express oneself, the form and style we choose is solely our own.

Your child should never give up drawing, because all he/she has to do is to learn proper techniques. In the words of Mark Kistler- like we learn how to write, we can learn how to draw. And that’s absolutely true! Drawing teaches children not only to be creative and imaginative, but that they have to practice to get better and be persistent and passionate about something. And lastly, it can boost their confidence- they are able to create something. How great is that?? So don’t you ever, ever, ever let your child give up drawing! And maybe, you should take a few classes yourself!

Leave comment below, I would like to read about your drawing stories!

If you want to follow my drawing progress, you can follow me on Instagram 🙂 My goal is to be able to illustrate my next children’s book!

P.S: My other books are available on Amazon– find the Rainbow Starfish with Sammie Snorkles or go on a stud abroad to France 🙂 🙂

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